J is out field at the moment. When he told me (a week before he left) that he was going, I felt fine with it. I knew that time apart was a big part of this life, so I tend to feel like ‘oh that sucks, but ok, let’s get it done’. This positive attitude seems to mainly be what I feel when he’s gone – I just put my head down, go into a television coma, and it eventually ends.

 but,

there are days when I want to kick and scream and throw a tantrum fit for a three year old. The last few days have been tantrum days. I want my husband home. I want him to be here to rub my back (I’m having terrible back, side, and stomach pains from the baby stretching everything out), and to feel the baby move (it’s beginning to be felt from the outside). I want to stomp my feet and scream that it isn’t fair that he’s gone, why is he gone? why did we choose this?

cranky, toddler tantrums…that’s how I’ve felt the last few days. Just wanted to share. I’m sure that they will pass; I’m sure that mere hours after J gets home, I will be ready for him to leave again; and I’m sure that crazy baby hormones have something to do with this persistent grey cloud above my head.

as a footnote, writing this has made me feel much better. I guess I just needed to have a little rant. 

Advertisements