As we get on in this life, things change; we’ve just finished 3 months apart, and I found myself thinking how different this time was, so I thought I’d share since I finally have something to write, and mostly for my own memory’s sake.

It feels like we’ve been doing this forever, in fact, it feels like we’ve had about 5 separate lifetimes; I can split mine into life in America, moving to Australia and those few years of high school, dating J, living in J’s grandmother’s house the first year of our marriage, basic training, Darwin pre baby, Darwin post baby…so I guess that’s 7. Each period is so different, and they feel like separate lives.

If we ignore basic training, which was its own, bizarre acclimatisation to life in the Army, trips when we first moved to Darwin, and the one we just completed feel so different.

J was sent on his first field trip a few weeks after we moved to Darwin…can’t really remember how long it was (it will be in the blog somewhere). While I remember it sucking, new place, no friends, alone, I think it was easier than it is now.

This trip that we just finished was definitely the worst we’ve ever done. The time went by at a snails pace, and I missed him more than I ever have. See, before, I would just put my head down, and either keep busy with work & uni, or crawl into a cocoon of tv-shows, hours and hours of tv, which helped to distract me and pass the time. I missed him, but I guess we felt more separate (not sure how to describe it any better), and time apart was just something we did, and it didn’t really affect me the same way as it does now…

Archer is the difference (I assume). Now when J’s gone, it feels like a part of myself is missing. We parent, and live as a team more than we did before, and so I feel the separation so much more than I did before. I also can’t pass the time in the same way I used to – there’s no endless hours of tv, and anyone with kids knows that the days move slowly, but the years speed past. There’s also feelings of sadness that he’s missing things, and I guess we just feel closer now that we’re parents.

Anyway, so while the separations themselves are harder now, the readjustment is SO much better! I suppose this is due to all of the reasons that separation is harder. We used to have a pretty difficult adjustment period – I felt like I was being crowded, and he felt unsure how to fit back into home life, and this went on for at least a few weeks.

This time, adjustment lasted as long as the first, kind of awkward kiss, and the length it took to pick up his baggage. Then it was simply joy to have my partner, friend, and heart back. I could exhale and not be alone anymore, I could exhale and enjoy watching my boys play together, and I could exhale knowing that things were back to normal. 

2 weeks later, I’ve pretty much forgotten that he was ever gone, and can’t really imagine what those months were like without him – it’s like they just get erased, and we pick up where we left off. I was looking at my Timehop app (it’s super cool and shows you what you were doing on social media on that day for the last 6 years – sometimes frightening), and realised that almost to the day J got home from this trip, he had left for another 3 month field/course trip. That means that in the last year, we’ve had at least 6 months apart, that’s not including the smaller trips which probably add up to 1-2 months. But ya know what…if I hadn’t looked at Timehop, I never would have known that we’ve spent less than half of the last year together.

We make the time we have together count so much, that the time apart is simply a pause button that is forgotten as soon as we hit play again. I hate the separations now, but I wouldn’t want to go back to how it was before. I now know that separations are harder now because we love deeper, our relationship is stronger, and our reunions are better, and I for one am so thankful to have someone that I miss that much.