Archives for category: Baby B

I’ve gotten some very lovely comments from new readers the last couple of weeks. Your comments were a lovely reminder of why I blog (even when it may be months between posts). Welcome to the blog, I hope that it helps you to get an idea of what to expect, but your experience will, of course, be unique. This life is crazy, and hard at times, but I hope you are able to embrace the ups and downs because (I think) you’re tough enough to handle it!

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Sorry it’s been so long. Not much Army related has happened here. Well, I think it probably has, but I don’t notice anymore. I’ve been busy blogging over on my other blog though.

J’s away at the moment. It’s the longest separation since training, but SO different this time around!

I always thought that separation would be easier once I had a baby to keep me busy. I thought I would be less lonely, less bored, and less sad.

Well, I’m certainly busier, and maybe a bit less lonely, but I’m definitely not less sad, more in fact.

See, when I thought about how a baby would change separation, it was pre-baby, and my thoughts were focused on how it would be for me, not J.

This time, Archer is a reality, a funny baby boy who loves his daddy. This time, my heart was heavy not {entirely} because of how much I would miss J, but because of all that he would miss. It breaks my heart that he has to miss out on things.

It may be a bit easier for me now that I’m a mum; I have great friends, lots of playgroups/playdates to keep me busy, and the sweetest little dude to snuggle when I’m lonely, but I didn’t realise how hard it would be to watch Archer develop when I know his daddy would love to watch it too.

(there’s also the part about not really getting a break, ever, and dealing with teething on my own. haha)

I wish J didn’t have to miss things, but I just focus on the fact that it’s temporary, and that for every thing he misses, he’ll get to be here for something else. I turn my attention forward, to when I know we’ll be back together again, and we always end up there.

For now, I send pictures and videos, show Archer the videos his daddy made for him, and talk to Archer about how much his daddy loves and misses him. We love and miss him too.

(And I go home to my family for a month. haha)

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hint: Archer’s out here with me, and the sounds coming out of his room are super cute!

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Find out tomorrow on my personal blog {it is Army related…sorta}.

My gorgeous boy arrived last week!

Archer arrived on Tuesday the 12th. He weighed 8lb 11oz, and was 53cm long. He is perfect and my week has been spent basking in the immense joy he has brought to our family.

This being my blog about Army Wife life, I’m sure you’re all wondering how all the J drama unfolded…

perfectly!

The last couple of months have been so stressful with all the uncertainty, and there are 100 different ways this all could have played out – we happened to get the best one!

Not only did I get to have my son in our hometown, surrounded by our friends and family, but the hospital turned out to be amazing and I got my dream birth, AND most importantly, J made it!

For all the changes of plans, and lack of information, when it came down to it, J’s rank took care of us, and we are both incredibly grateful.

Now obviously, each situation is going to be different, and this is just our experience, but let me tell you how J ended up making it home in time…

I came to Brisbane at the end of February, right before I hit ‘term'(37wks). J left for exercise a week after me, but was booked on flights to Brisbane on the 14th (already a huge blessing, and something they didn’t need to do). I was SURE that Archie wouldn’t come early, in fact, I was sure he’d be late and I’d need to be induced, so I was happily waiting for J to join me here. Not a single sign of labor my entire pregnancy, then Monday morning contractions started.

The second I saw that they were timeable (and two minutes apart) I thought ‘oh, sh*t’! We had 4 more days until J was coming, and I was devestated because I thought he was going to miss it when we had come so close. I called his rank and they let me talk to him. He was shocked and freaked out because he was sure he was going to miss it too. He told me he’d update his rank and let me know what was going to happen, and hung up quickly.

Over the next hour my contractions started to space out and I got really cranky thinking I had called J for nothing. When he finally did call back, he was already on his way to the airport and his flight would get him here by 4pm! It was amazing how fast they got him home, but I was freaking out because I thought it was false labor and he was going to get home and then Archie wouldn’t come for another 2 weeks.

Thank goodness it was too late to change our minds, because our boy was born at 0638 the next morning! I spent my entire labor with my head buried in J’s chest, and he held my hand while I pushed. I could not have done it without him (well I would have had no choice, but it would have been a horrible experience instead of an awesome one), and I wonder daily what would have happened had he not made it.

Not knowing, or being able to plan is the hardest part of this Army life for me; it’s what I struggle with most, but this experience has served as the biggest lesson in just trusting and going with the flow. This was out of my control, and in the end worked out better than I could have imagined or planned. That’s not to say that things will always work out so well, or that I won’t struggle with the lack of information in the future, but I think I can see now that it’s not that the Army wants to mess with our lives, it’s just how it is, and fighting it won’t help anyone.

I’m not sure how to thank the people who made it possible for J to be here when our family was made, words aren’t enough, so instead I will do it by continuing to support my husband, and by being grateful every time I see my big guy holding my little one.

I’ve spoken before (a lot) about the need to be flexible when it comes to the Army. Usually not knowing anything until the last minute isn’t anything more than a bit annoying. I can usually just sigh and say “well we’ll know eventually” and not worry too much about it.

Not this time.

This time we know that there is a pre-deployment exercise in the month that I’m due to have our first baby, but we don’t know when the exercise is. We don’t even know for sure if J is going on the exercise.

The rumors and “heads-up” all started months ago, and we kind of just went with our usual wait-and-see approach, but as the belly gets larger and there’s still no information, the panic sets in.

We talked about having my mum come up as soon as he left, but we didn’t want her to waste all of her holiday time waiting on a baby who will probably (like most first babies) come late (but that isn’t guaranteed to).

Then we talked to the doctors about inducing me, but they (and I) weren’t too keen on that plan, and it’s impossible to schedule something like that when you have no dates!

Then we made a back-up plan, where I would go to Brisbane for my due-month if J was going.

Well the not knowing and waiting was getting to be too much stress for us both, so we’ve just gone ahead and made a plan.This time, instead of me fitting into J’s plans, J is going to fit into mine.

I will go to Brisbane right before 37 weeks, and stay until the baby is born. J will meet me there when he can, and we will bring our bub home together.

This plan guarantees that I will have support around me, but at the same time, it pretty much guarantees that J will miss the birth, which breaks my heart and was always one of my greatest Army fears. I hate the idea of J missing it, and I know he does too, but we’re trying to focus on the positives;

I’ll be surrounded by family and friends, and everyone will get to meet the baby much sooner than they would have, which will be nice and eliminate the issue of who comes to Darwin when; and while he may miss the actual birth, J will have some time with bub before he deploys (if he deploys). Ultimately we are focusing on the fact that in a year from now, all of this will be over, J will be home, and our family will be together.

While this plan is far from my first choice, it will be ok, and at the end of the day I will have a beautiful son who is loved by so many people – especially his daddy.

I knew when we signed up for this life that there was a chance that J would miss the birth of our child{ren} because of a deployment. It’s something that makes my very soul ache, and even just thinking about it now is taking my breath away.

I love this man so much, and the fact that it is his baby that will emerge; a combination of the two of us; makes me desperate to have him be a part of that moment. I am more excited to see my husband hold our baby for the first time, than I am to hold bub myself.

I had mentally prepared for the possibility of a deployment though; I had thought practically about how the first year is really just all about breastfeeding, and J wouldn’t miss much (so slightly delusional thinking, haha). I was ok. It’s his job, and he would be on the deployment he’s been waiting for, doing what he trained for; I was ok; I had accepted this possibility.

What I had not prepared for is J missing the birth because of a field exercise. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but this is a WAY bigger kick to the guts. Obviously it’s not for certain, and the dates of the trip may change, but there is a two-week, non-negotiable, field trip smack-dab in the middle of ‘birth month’.

Maybe it’s because the last field trip J was on turned into a giant organisational disaster and he was left doing nothing but sitting around, but I just cannot reconcile the fact that he may be sitting down, doing nothing, and miss it for no reason. That’s it…if he’s going to miss it, I can accept that, but I need there to be a reason, I need it to be justified and just as important as bub being born.

At this point we just have to wait and see, but of course being up here in croc-land doesn’t help – my mum will need to come here if J goes, but then she’ll be using her precious holiday time to sit with me while I desperately pray for baby to just wait until J gets home to come. Gah! It’s just a mess.

I would REALLY like to hear from you readers who gave birth without your soldiers, for any reason, but especially because of courses/field.

So the reason I haven’t really posted lately, is that the only thing really going on in our lives right now is that we’re pregnant!

I couldn’t tell you that just yet, but I also, had nothing to say that didn’t involve, “YIPPEEEEEEEEE! WE’RE GOING TO BE PARENTS!”, so I just stayed quiet.

I don’t know how this would go outside of the Army (since this is my first time), but deciding to have a baby, as an Army family, was extremely influenced by our unique circumstances.

I have dreamed of children my entire life; ask anyone who knows me…I’m obsessed. My husband has also always wanted children, and it’s been something we’ve talked about since before we were even dating – when we were just friends.

We did the marriage thing (which I love), and then we did the Army thing. Our lives changed so much when we chose the Army, and it was in a direction completely opposite to anywhere I ever thought it would go.

J (it seems wrong to call him soldier boy now that he’s gonna be a dad) went off to training and I continued to dream about having a baby; this time the dreams had to account for possibilities civilian families really don’t have to though…

I’m talking about J not being here for the birth of our baby. Sure there are civilian couples who are separated, single parents, etc…but for myself, I always saw that moment of becoming a family as including all members…in a physical way. As scary as this possibility is, I’ve come to terms with it, and I know that no matter what circumstances our family materialises under, we will still be a family, and it will still be amazing.

Anyway, so we decided that there wasn’t much point waiting; we’ve been married for two years, and although we’re young, we have a stable life/income etc. We were so blessed to be successful right away (despite 5 negative pregnancy tests trying to tell me otherwise), and we can’t wait to be parents.

Sure there are things that will be different/harder about becoming a mum as an Army wife, but I don’t think any of those things are worth not becoming one.

xxx

I would LOVE to hear all of your thoughts/experiences on becoming parents either outside or inside of the Army!