Archives for category: “tru wuv”

I’ve gotten some very lovely comments from new readers the last couple of weeks. Your comments were a lovely reminder of why I blog (even when it may be months between posts). Welcome to the blog, I hope that it helps you to get an idea of what to expect, but your experience will, of course, be unique. This life is crazy, and hard at times, but I hope you are able to embrace the ups and downs because (I think) you’re tough enough to handle it!

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Sorry it’s been so long. Not much Army related has happened here. Well, I think it probably has, but I don’t notice anymore. I’ve been busy blogging over on my other blog though.

J’s away at the moment. It’s the longest separation since training, but SO different this time around!

I always thought that separation would be easier once I had a baby to keep me busy. I thought I would be less lonely, less bored, and less sad.

Well, I’m certainly busier, and maybe a bit less lonely, but I’m definitely not less sad, more in fact.

See, when I thought about how a baby would change separation, it was pre-baby, and my thoughts were focused on how it would be for me, not J.

This time, Archer is a reality, a funny baby boy who loves his daddy. This time, my heart was heavy not {entirely} because of how much I would miss J, but because of all that he would miss. It breaks my heart that he has to miss out on things.

It may be a bit easier for me now that I’m a mum; I have great friends, lots of playgroups/playdates to keep me busy, and the sweetest little dude to snuggle when I’m lonely, but I didn’t realise how hard it would be to watch Archer develop when I know his daddy would love to watch it too.

(there’s also the part about not really getting a break, ever, and dealing with teething on my own. haha)

I wish J didn’t have to miss things, but I just focus on the fact that it’s temporary, and that for every thing he misses, he’ll get to be here for something else. I turn my attention forward, to when I know we’ll be back together again, and we always end up there.

For now, I send pictures and videos, show Archer the videos his daddy made for him, and talk to Archer about how much his daddy loves and misses him. We love and miss him too.

(And I go home to my family for a month. haha)

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I realised that I forgot to do a post when we reached our one year mark. I’m in Brisbane right now seeing family and friends, and it slipped my mind. I suppose I don’t need to explain, by now it’s evident that I’m a total blog-slacker!

so it’s been {more than} a year since J left for Kapooka…gee! SO much has changed, and it feels like a very long year.

I’ve been asked a few times recently – by new Army WAGS – for advice in dealing with it, or just more information about what to expect. I feel anything but qualified to give such advice, and each person will have their own unique way of dealing with things, and a different experience, but for me, there are a few key lessons that I’ve learnt…

FLEXABILITY

This is THE biggest lesson I’ve had to learn, and I still struggle with. I think it’s because I expect the Army to be super organised (when you hear military it {used to} conjur images of organisation, precision, discipline, etc to me); they are not. I mean I assume this is due to the fact that every little decision must go up and down the rank – I get that it’s not an easy thing to organise. So you have to learn to NEVER make plans. Once I started to accept that we could never make plans, and that we’d just have to ‘wait and see’ about everything {including how the birth of our child will go down}, it’s a bit easier, but there are times {like when you’re trying to decide if your mother should come to Darwin just in case J is away for the birth} when not knowing is torture. So I’m still working on it, but for me, that is the biggest lesson this last year has taught me.

INDEPENDENCE

When we were first together, and first married I remember feeling like I simply could not live apart from J. I remember complaining at work one day {we were both shift workers working opposite shifts} that I had only seen my husband for a few hours at a time for the past few days; it seems so silly now! I’ve not only learnt that I will in fact survive when he is away, I’ve also learnt that I can thrive and I can take care of myself. Do I like our time apart, well no, not really, some days I HATE it but there actually are times where I don’t mind being apart. As long as he’s away for a purpose, I can deal with separation, and I can focus ahead, on the fact that we will get to say ‘hello’soon enough. I had a moment a few weeks ago where I realised how far I’ve come, and how self-suficient I can be; I had to climb on a chair, 5 months pregnant, at the top of our staircase, and hang out over the balcony to change the outside light; that would not have happened pre-army, haha.

LOVE

There are so many more lessons I’ve learnt {which can be browsed here}, but the most important one is how much I love this man; every crappy day apart, every heart-sinking moment, even living in Darwin {hehe} is all immensly worth it. I would follow him anywhere {clearly}, and I feel honoured to be able to support him every day. This past year has not been easy, but in the end I think it has made our partnership, friendship, love and marriage so much stronger. I can’t wait to see what this second year has in store for us, there are some big things in the works, and it may include both our best and worst times, but after surviving this year, I know that if we let it, it can just make us even better!

So the reason I haven’t really posted lately, is that the only thing really going on in our lives right now is that we’re pregnant!

I couldn’t tell you that just yet, but I also, had nothing to say that didn’t involve, “YIPPEEEEEEEEE! WE’RE GOING TO BE PARENTS!”, so I just stayed quiet.

I don’t know how this would go outside of the Army (since this is my first time), but deciding to have a baby, as an Army family, was extremely influenced by our unique circumstances.

I have dreamed of children my entire life; ask anyone who knows me…I’m obsessed. My husband has also always wanted children, and it’s been something we’ve talked about since before we were even dating – when we were just friends.

We did the marriage thing (which I love), and then we did the Army thing. Our lives changed so much when we chose the Army, and it was in a direction completely opposite to anywhere I ever thought it would go.

J (it seems wrong to call him soldier boy now that he’s gonna be a dad) went off to training and I continued to dream about having a baby; this time the dreams had to account for possibilities civilian families really don’t have to though…

I’m talking about J not being here for the birth of our baby. Sure there are civilian couples who are separated, single parents, etc…but for myself, I always saw that moment of becoming a family as including all members…in a physical way. As scary as this possibility is, I’ve come to terms with it, and I know that no matter what circumstances our family materialises under, we will still be a family, and it will still be amazing.

Anyway, so we decided that there wasn’t much point waiting; we’ve been married for two years, and although we’re young, we have a stable life/income etc. We were so blessed to be successful right away (despite 5 negative pregnancy tests trying to tell me otherwise), and we can’t wait to be parents.

Sure there are things that will be different/harder about becoming a mum as an Army wife, but I don’t think any of those things are worth not becoming one.

xxx

I would LOVE to hear all of your thoughts/experiences on becoming parents either outside or inside of the Army!

only 2 weeks until we’re together again!


have I mentioned that I’m excited!? hehe

Photo is mine

Last week was rough. I’m not sure what was happening on SB’s side that had him so stressed, but we just felt really, um, off? disconnected? separate?

All of our conversations were turning into fights, and there was just some invisible, cranky, monster between us. I finally texted SB and just asked if something had changed because he seemed completely indifferent towards me. I expected to get a message back that lovingly dissuaded my fears; something like, “of course not baby, I’m just really tired and busy at the moment, I’m sorry”; instead I got one that said something like, “I think I am, I don’t know why”. POW like a punch to the gut – I mean, I appreciated his honesty, but the last thing you want to hear from your husband is that he feels indifferent towards you.

I decided not to immediately get upset and irrational (must have been the 7 days of self-reflection I had to do last week – thanks JCU!), usually I would have, but instead I tried to understand what was going on in his life and in his brain.

The weekend came, and things started to get better, our conversations were more engaged and my sweet, loving husband came back. But our brief foray into ‘indifferent’ land had scared me, for sure, and I think him as well, so we started to talk about how we had ended up there; communication (see, I’m learning, hehe).

What we discovered, we have now dubbed, ‘Soldier Mode’, (I’m SO sure that we are not the first to experience this, and you’ve probably all already named it this, so don’t worry, we won’t try and take credit for it, hehe). When SB is on the job, Mon-Fri, he is completely immersed in Army – barracks, sergeants, corporals, training, etc; there’s just no space for thoughts of me and home.

That’s how I want it to be though. Once we had worked out what it was, and that it wasn’t about me or anything I did, I accepted ‘soldier mode’. I figure that the more he focuses on his training now, the more ‘soldier’ he becomes, the greater peace I will have when it comes time to deploy. I want him to be soaking in every tiny piece of potentially life saving information, I want him to learn to do his job to the very best standard possible. I want him to fully enter into ‘soldier mode’, so that he can come home and slip back in to ‘husband mode’.

I am so proud of how hard he works, and even how he is able to slip in and out of ‘soldier mode’, it’s a skill that I was hoping he would acquire because I really want him to be able to focus, 100%, on getting the job done and coming home.

I love my soldier, no matter what ‘mode’ he is in.

It’s been 6 months now that we have been apart. The day that we finally get to be together is drawing closer, and even though I don’t know when it will be, I can’t wait!

This is hard! I never thought it would be easy, but it’s just felt extra difficult lately. Last week, I was in Cairns, making friends and learning new things, and SB was with his friends, hanging out, being silly, and having fun.

It’s hard to feel together, connected, involved, when you are basically leading entirely separate lives. I can’t speak for him, but I’ve started to worry about where I will fit in to his new life – will I just be a buzz kill since he won’t be living in the barracks with his friends anymore? Will he miss his freedom? Will he wish he didn’t have me?

I can speak for myself when I say that I’m so grateful for this life. It’s hard, very hard, and it will get harder; but I have, so far, had a chance to learn so much about myself – what I’m capable of, what I want, and what’s important to me.

I’ve never been so sure that I love my husband, and want to spend my life supporting him. I was made for marriage and I’ve realised that the most important thing to me, is trying to be the best wife & partner to my soldier. This may seem old-fashioned, but that’s me; family is my number one priority.

So while we may feel disconnected at the moment, I know that once we are finally together, we will find a new normal, and as long as we’re both committed to loving each other, we can get through the hard times, the distance, the separation.

xxx

When I started this blog, I promised to be honest, to write about things even though they may be, in this case, a little risque, hehe. So nana, and any other family reading, you should probably skip this one. Right now, I’m wishing I had written this blog totally anonymously, haha but the post must go on.

There are so many things that go into building a healthy relationship. When you are together, one of those no-brainer factors is physical intimacy. It’s a fantastic, and important part of relationships, but it gets taken away when our soldiers are gone. We get so caught up, in the limited time we have to talk, with updating them on what’s going on, what the kids (or dog in my case) is up to, how they are doing, that flirting (and more) get pushed to the bottom of our priorities.

Each couple is different, and will have to choose for themselves how to go about dealing with distimacy (that would be distance + intimacy, hehe). Some couples will choose to completely eliminate sexuality from their conversations, others will go full-on pornographic, haha, to each their own.

What’s most important is not feeling embarrassed by wanting to introduce some distimacy. Sure it may not have ever crossed your mind to send a naked photo to your husband before, I know it didn’t ever cross my mind, but we aren’t a normal couple who sees each other everyday anymore. When you are together, you don’t have to send a photo, or a text, or an email, or a video, or even a letter, because they’re right there in front of you, but as Army Wives, we have to get creative ;).

I always considered sexting to be something reserved for pathetic, trashy, attention-seeking teenagers (like my teen self), not respectable, committed wives. Then I realised (as I had to choose how much distimacy to introduce into our own marriage), that trust and commitment are what set my sexting apart from 16 year old sexting. I know that my husband isn’t going to show his buddies, and rumours aren’t going to spread around school. I know that sending a photo to him isn’t about attention or getting him to like me (he already does!), it’s about maintaining that precious bond that intimacy brings to a relationship.

Now, obviously, I don’t know how this will change (and I’m sure it will change), once SB is deployed overseas. Less communication, and less medias for communication will, I’m sure, limit the options for distimacy even more, but we’ll write that post when we get to it.

I would love to hear what you think!

xxx

Love is kind and patient,

never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude.

Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered.

It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do.

Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.

Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.

Love never fails!

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Read the rest of this entry »

Congratulations to my mummy & her man!

Sorry, I’ve been really busy with uni & my mum’s wedding this week! It was a beautiful wedding! So happy for them!

xxx

Last week, I told you that my MIL had all the best pictures from March Out…this weeks SS is my favourite of her bunch.

My Soldier Boy!

sorry for the quality, I had to copy it off of facebook.

pic is mine, well my MILs. hehe