Archives for category: venting

This may already be a lesson; a can’t remember if I’ve written it, but I know that this isn’t the first time it’s been applicable.

Field Law states that when your soldier is gone, things will go wrong! And unlike things like I posted about yesterday, these things are usually big, really stressful, and something that you would love your soldier to handle!

Today J left for field. It’s just a quick one, so I wasn’t too stressed. That was until I saw that Jawa had gotten under our fence (that we reported broken when we first moved in) and was playing with the neighbours dogs.

After pushing her back under once, upon which she went directly back into their yard, it was clear that this problem wasn’t going away…panic! I have NO idea how to fix a fence. After a call to DHA which made it clear that the fence probably won’t be fixed for ‘a few weeks’, my panic grew…

…and this is when another Army life thing comes in handy – friends! I have been ‘saved’ by this particular friend of ours quite a few times in the last couple of weeks, so I was reluctant to bother him yet again, but honestly, I didn’t know what else to do. What’s so great about our friends is that he dropped everything, took me and Archer to Bunnings, and is now in my backyard fixing the fence.

So the real lesson here is that Field Law is survivable provided you have fantastic friends, like we do!

So hopefully this is it for this field trip – I usually have one big thing go wrong.

 HUGE thanks to our great friends…promise we’ll stop asking you to help us out soon!

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I’ve spoken before (a lot) about the need to be flexible when it comes to the Army. Usually not knowing anything until the last minute isn’t anything more than a bit annoying. I can usually just sigh and say “well we’ll know eventually” and not worry too much about it.

Not this time.

This time we know that there is a pre-deployment exercise in the month that I’m due to have our first baby, but we don’t know when the exercise is. We don’t even know for sure if J is going on the exercise.

The rumors and “heads-up” all started months ago, and we kind of just went with our usual wait-and-see approach, but as the belly gets larger and there’s still no information, the panic sets in.

We talked about having my mum come up as soon as he left, but we didn’t want her to waste all of her holiday time waiting on a baby who will probably (like most first babies) come late (but that isn’t guaranteed to).

Then we talked to the doctors about inducing me, but they (and I) weren’t too keen on that plan, and it’s impossible to schedule something like that when you have no dates!

Then we made a back-up plan, where I would go to Brisbane for my due-month if J was going.

Well the not knowing and waiting was getting to be too much stress for us both, so we’ve just gone ahead and made a plan.This time, instead of me fitting into J’s plans, J is going to fit into mine.

I will go to Brisbane right before 37 weeks, and stay until the baby is born. J will meet me there when he can, and we will bring our bub home together.

This plan guarantees that I will have support around me, but at the same time, it pretty much guarantees that J will miss the birth, which breaks my heart and was always one of my greatest Army fears. I hate the idea of J missing it, and I know he does too, but we’re trying to focus on the positives;

I’ll be surrounded by family and friends, and everyone will get to meet the baby much sooner than they would have, which will be nice and eliminate the issue of who comes to Darwin when; and while he may miss the actual birth, J will have some time with bub before he deploys (if he deploys). Ultimately we are focusing on the fact that in a year from now, all of this will be over, J will be home, and our family will be together.

While this plan is far from my first choice, it will be ok, and at the end of the day I will have a beautiful son who is loved by so many people – especially his daddy.

I knew when we signed up for this life that there was a chance that J would miss the birth of our child{ren} because of a deployment. It’s something that makes my very soul ache, and even just thinking about it now is taking my breath away.

I love this man so much, and the fact that it is his baby that will emerge; a combination of the two of us; makes me desperate to have him be a part of that moment. I am more excited to see my husband hold our baby for the first time, than I am to hold bub myself.

I had mentally prepared for the possibility of a deployment though; I had thought practically about how the first year is really just all about breastfeeding, and J wouldn’t miss much (so slightly delusional thinking, haha). I was ok. It’s his job, and he would be on the deployment he’s been waiting for, doing what he trained for; I was ok; I had accepted this possibility.

What I had not prepared for is J missing the birth because of a field exercise. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but this is a WAY bigger kick to the guts. Obviously it’s not for certain, and the dates of the trip may change, but there is a two-week, non-negotiable, field trip smack-dab in the middle of ‘birth month’.

Maybe it’s because the last field trip J was on turned into a giant organisational disaster and he was left doing nothing but sitting around, but I just cannot reconcile the fact that he may be sitting down, doing nothing, and miss it for no reason. That’s it…if he’s going to miss it, I can accept that, but I need there to be a reason, I need it to be justified and just as important as bub being born.

At this point we just have to wait and see, but of course being up here in croc-land doesn’t help – my mum will need to come here if J goes, but then she’ll be using her precious holiday time to sit with me while I desperately pray for baby to just wait until J gets home to come. Gah! It’s just a mess.

I would REALLY like to hear from you readers who gave birth without your soldiers, for any reason, but especially because of courses/field.

J is out field at the moment. When he told me (a week before he left) that he was going, I felt fine with it. I knew that time apart was a big part of this life, so I tend to feel like ‘oh that sucks, but ok, let’s get it done’. This positive attitude seems to mainly be what I feel when he’s gone – I just put my head down, go into a television coma, and it eventually ends.

 but,

there are days when I want to kick and scream and throw a tantrum fit for a three year old. The last few days have been tantrum days. I want my husband home. I want him to be here to rub my back (I’m having terrible back, side, and stomach pains from the baby stretching everything out), and to feel the baby move (it’s beginning to be felt from the outside). I want to stomp my feet and scream that it isn’t fair that he’s gone, why is he gone? why did we choose this?

cranky, toddler tantrums…that’s how I’ve felt the last few days. Just wanted to share. I’m sure that they will pass; I’m sure that mere hours after J gets home, I will be ready for him to leave again; and I’m sure that crazy baby hormones have something to do with this persistent grey cloud above my head.

as a footnote, writing this has made me feel much better. I guess I just needed to have a little rant. 

I’m not sure what to write, but I feel like I need to say something. I hate when you follow a blog and there are no posts for ages; I don’t want to do that to you.

I’ve been struggling with what to write about for the whole of this absence. There are things I want to say, but there are things preventing me from saying them…you know how it is. The blog started out as anonymous, and with that, I felt like I could say more; now that the blog is far from anonymous, I worry about every word I say; whether it’s appropriate or not; the fact is, I haven’t been in this life long enough to really know what is share-able and what isn’t.

I think I can tell you about my current struggle though…be warned, this is a whining post. It may annoy some of you, by the end of writing it, I will probably be annoyed with myself and realise that I just need to harden up…

We’ve been in Darwin for a few months now. I started out kind of liking it, but that feeling has all but gone away; I really hate it here now. I imagine that it has to do with finding out I was pregnant. Before we found out, this new life felt like an adventure; something fun; a place where we could really grow up and become independent, just the two of us.

Finding out that we were going to be parents changed the whole thing though. Instead of loving the independence and distance that Darwin brings, I now long to be around my family and friends, getting fatter and eventually welcoming this baby.

It’s all about expectations I guess…I never dreamed that I would become an Army Wife, and even once I did, I couldn’t imagine the empty loneliness that being away from your family can bring. I always expected to be surrounded by the people I love and we would all bask in the joy of my growing family together.

(Now is when I start to pep-talk myself, haha) I’m not the first person to go through this. Not even kind of. It seems to me like having babies is a prerequisite for being an Army Wife (this, of course, is an exaggeration) haha.

My mum lived in Canada when I was born; her mum lived her in Australia. There was no email, no skype, and phone calls were insanely expensive; they wrote letters that would take weeks to arrive. I can’t even imagine how that would feel; I thank God everytime I log on to skype that we have that option. So I do get to celebrate with my family, just in a different way.

I know things will get better, and that this is an adjustment. I finally have some friends moving here in the next few weeks, and I’m going home for November; it’s just an adjustment period, and I’m 100% sure that it will get better (even with wet season on its way! haha).

I think I had a romanticised idea about what being an Army Wife was like, even up until recently. It wasn’t until Baby B was involved that the reality, and difficulties become evident, or really mattered.

xxx

I told you I would be honest. Honestly…at the moment I’m struggling. I don’t mean that I’m like sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth, crying and eating my hair; just that I’m finding everything very draining at the moment.

I try and stay positive; mostly because I have a history as a negative person, and I feel like I could quickly slip back into that mindset, which I know isn’t helpful for anyone. Staying positive has really helped in the last year, and I certainly don’t want to become someone who does sit in the corner, rocking back and forth, crying and eating my hair.

Positivity doesn’t mean I have to find everything stellar, all the time though. The flip side of being a hair-eater is being a squeeky, bouncy cheerleader who ignores every feeling other than those which are equated with rainbows and ponies; and I certainly don’t want to be that either (even though I was a cheerleader in high school (it’s not as glamorous as teeny-bopper films would have you believe)).

I miss my husband. I’m in a new place, with nothing to do, and the boredom and loneliness gets to me. Yesterday the doctor actually told me to relax – that was an actual doctor’s order. He offhandedly said, “well ____ could be caused by stress, or…” and continued to list a few more options. I stopped him. “It’s stress”, I said. Of course it is.

So now I must try and relax, which is hard when I find myself needing to get ahold of my husband, due to family things, and he’s out in the middle of nowhere, with no comms, so they actually have to send a messenger out to him. (They were super helpful, and got the message to SB.)

The point of this dribble, is not to complain woe-is-me; I understand the importance of what SB is doing, I wouldn’t want him to come home now because he’s doing his job.

I guess I actually don’t have a point, and writing this post has made me feel better because as I’m writing this line, I’m realising how silly and self-centred I sound. This is his job, yes I may be bored, but that isn’t his fault, and it certainly doesn’t count as a struggle. I need to suck it up and try to change bored into relaxed. haha

after two bonus weeks, SB left for field. I could get really upset, angry, or annoyed at it all, but instead I choose to see the funny sides…let me explain…

for the past couple of weeks, we were told, ‘you’ll probably go tomorrow’…everyday. haha so each day, we prepared for it to be our last. we made no future plans, we were nicer to each other (lol), and we both looked at the phone expectantly every time it rang. Then the same people who kept saying ‘tomorrow’ (I assume), said they didn’t think he would go at all; so we started to relax in to SB being home. It was about this time, when we were making plans for Territory day, and I started to think that maybe he would be here for my birthday (today), that the phone rang…

hahahahahahaha (I just have to stop and giggle at myself)

of course, it was this one time that I did not look at the phone, SB didn’t even answer it, that we got the message that he was on a flight in 12 hours. so I suppose the lesson here is beware when you relax and plan (even if it’s only 1 day in advance, haha, I will never ask “what should we do tomorrow” again!)

I originally started to think about the weird, ironic, silly things that this life makes me do though, when I hopped in the shower at 10:30pm to shave my legs. it’s like a reflex; SB: “i’m going field”, Me: “then I must shave my legs!”. what other lives lead to frantic de-fuzzing in the middle of the night? love it

So instead of being upset that I missed the fireworks, and I’m alone on my birthday, and my legs are now prickly again, I will giggle at all the weird, ironic and silly things, take every dog lick as a birthday present and enjoy the fact that I don’t have to shave my legs again for at least 3 weeks if I don’t want to. hahaha

xxx

I am writing from my newly connected-to-the-internet computer! yippee!

I wanted to write about something else today, but after receiving some less-than-impressed comments on Lesson #27, I feel like I need to write this one.

Since starting this blog, I have received both lovely, and nasty comments. I’ve addressed the negative comments, told you I need a thicker skin (which I still haven’t gotten),and tried to defend myself. The main theme seems to be, ‘when you’ve been an Army wife for more than five minutes, then you can have a say’.

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again; I have never presented this blog as THE guide to Army wife life. The lessons are not ones I want to teach you, they are ones I have learnt myself. If someone benefits from reading this, that is great! But every single experience, whether it’s shared by a newbie like me, or a WAG who’s been in for 30 years, is going to be different. I’m not putting myself on their level either; of course they know more than me, I’m just trying to point out, that I am simply sharing my own experience, and just because it’s newer, doesn’t mean it is less valid. It’s a story, not a textbook.

Which brings me to what was actually supposed to be the point of this post (before I went off on a tangent, but I do that…frequently. hehe); you actually don’t have to remind me that I’m new to this! I know it may come as a surprise to some of you, but I am actually painfully aware of how ‘fresh’ I am to all of this. Everything, is new and different. I am faced with that ‘new girl’ feeling every single day, so don’t you worry, I’m not in danger of forgetting anytime soon. haha

That’s not to say that I am miserable though. I’m actually really enjoying learning everything, all of the new experiences, and the feeling of accomplishment when I can drive to the shops without a map! That is the point of this blog. To savour, and share the ‘newness’ of it all.

So the next time you want to say ‘when you’ve been an Army WAG for more than five minutes…’, remember that I already know that (plus, it’s been at least 20 minutes! hehe)

xxx

Our Internet issues are still going strong. If you’re unfamiliar with the drama, go check it out…starting here, then here. Are you all sick of hearing about this yet? Hehe

So this weekend, the plot thickened… I went to see my lovely step-sister who works at telstra. She said she would check for us because sometimes what they say on the phone is wrong…

So we went in and she checked the address…sure enough, the big, ugly word unavailable came up.

Disapointed…very disapointed.

So we knew that the next step was going to be to call dha and ask them to unlock our preference so we can pick a new house. I stressed all weekend, SB was telling me that they’d be annoyed and get mad, so I was pretty stressed by the time I called this morning…

She was lovely 🙂

She said she wasn’t sure why it wasn’t available because they aren’t aware of a problem in that area, but that it was no problem at all if we wanted to check out other houses.

So thats the plan…my fantastic sis is going to run all of the addresses and hopefully we can put this drama behind us (and I can stop boring you with these internet stories, haha).

I’ve learnt a HUGE lesson in all of this though; Army Wife Lesson #27 is don’t rush to pick a house…find out things like the internet availability FIRST.

(i’m writing this outside, on my ipad while the mover man packs up my house…i feel bad that i’m not helping, but i’d probably just get in the way. Lol)

Until next time…

Disclaimer: this post is NOT about whether or not DHA is hate-able…it’s about the small number of Army wags that feel the need to complain about every little thing just because…also, mowing the lawn was an example, I didn’t actually see any posts about mowing the lawn, it was something similar…although I have been told there was a lawn mowing complaint. lol some of you ladies have pointed out instances in which joining the ‘i hate DHA’ facebook site is understandable. hehe

This week I saw a Facebook group called ‘I hate defence housing Australia’; I couldn’t believe it! Granted, I haven’t had many dealings with them yet, but so far it’s all been really good.

Here’s the thing…it seems like a lot of army wags simply complain because they can…why else would you complain about having to mow the lawn at the house you are essentially given?

Yes, I know it’s not free, but it’s still WAY cheaper than it would be in the private sector, and you’d still be expected to take care of it out there too.

I have a giant couch right…it’s my mums, but she’s letting me take it because she doesn’t need it. I know it’s not going to fit in my new living room, but it doesn’t fit in any haha. I’ve been told that it’s my right not decline a house if my furniture won’t fit; while this may be a useful thing one day, at this point in time, I’m so grateful just to have a roof over our heads.

What I’m trying to say in a roundabout way; and I’m sure MANY people won’t agree; is know your rights, but don’t abuse them – take a minute to realize that these benefits we receive, that some may complain about, wouldn’t even be an option if we were civilians.

Just mow your lawn…or get a pre-pubescent to do it for you, hehehe

Thoughts? Feeling? Insults? Lol